You’re here because you need to know if what you’re experiencing has a name.
In this guide, we’re going to clearly define workplace bullying, workplace harassment, workplace abuse, and organisational neglect, and show you how to tell the difference through real-world patterns, not corporate spin.
Maybe someone told you to toughen up, that this is just how workplaces are, that you’re being too sensitive. Maybe you’ve been scrolling through articles trying to find something that matches your situation. Maybe you need the words so you can finally explain to your partner, your friend, your GP why you can’t sleep, why Sunday nights feel like dread, why you’ve started crying in your car before work.
Definitions matter. Not because a label fixes anything, but because knowing what you’re dealing with changes what’s possible. It’s the difference between thinking something’s wrong with me and knowing something wrong is being done to me. It affects whether you can report it, whether you’re protected by law, whether you have grounds to take action.
This isn’t an academic exercise. These definitions exist because the harm is real, because it happens often enough that we needed language for it, because other people have lived through what you’re living through and fought for these words to be recognised.
If you’re reading this trying to figure out whether your experience “counts,” I want you to know: your nervous system already knows the answer. Definitions just help the rest of the world catch up.
What is Workplace Bullying?
Workplace bullying is repeated, unreasonable behaviour directed toward an employee or group of employees that creates a risk to health and safety.
The key elements:
- Repeated: It’s a pattern, not a one-off incident
- Unreasonable: It’s behaviour a reasonable person would recognise as inappropriate
- Creates risk: It affects your psychological or physical wellbeing
Bullying isn’t about personality clashes or legitimate management feedback. It’s about someone systematically undermining, intimidating, or humiliating you.
Examples of Workplace Bullying:
Constant criticism or impossible standards Your work is never good enough, no matter what you do. You meet a deadline and the requirements change. You’re praised in private but criticised in public. Standards applied to you don’t apply to others. The goalposts keep moving, and you can never quite reach them.
A woman told me, “I’d finish a project exactly to spec and my manager would say, ‘This isn’t what I asked for.’ I’d show her the email with her original instructions and she’d say, ‘Well, obviously I meant something different.’ I started screen-recording conversations because I couldn’t trust my own memory anymore.”
Public humiliation Being yelled at in front of colleagues. Having your mistakes announced in team meetings while others’ are handled privately. Sarcastic comments that everyone laughs at…. including the person making them. “Jokes” at your expense that land just on the edge of deniability.
Someone told me their manager would say things like, “Well, we can’t all be as slow as (name),” in team meetings. “Everyone would laugh uncomfortably,” they said. “If I didn’t laugh too, I was being too sensitive. If I did laugh, I was participating in my own humiliation.”
Deliberate exclusion Being left out of meetings you should be in. Not getting copied on emails that affect your work. Conversations that stop when you enter the room. Invitations to team lunches or after-work drinks that never come your way. Being systematically cut out of the informal networks where real decisions get made.
A man described arriving at work to discover a team meeting had happened the previous afternoon…. one he wasn’t invited to, where decisions about his project were made without him. “When I asked why I wasn’t included, I was told it was an oversight. It happened four more times. That’s not an oversight. That’s a message.”
Undermining your work Taking credit for your ideas. Dismissing your contributions in meetings, then watching someone else suggest the same thing and get praised for it. Withholding information you need to do your job properly. Changing your schedule or responsibilities without consultation. Removing your access to resources or systems with no explanation.
Someone once told me, “I’d suggest something and my manager would say no. Two weeks later she’d present the exact same idea as hers and everyone would act like it was brilliant. When I pointed it out, I was told I was being territorial.”
Overloading or under-loading you Being given an impossible workload with unrealistic deadlines, then blamed when you can’t deliver. Or the opposite: being sidelined with meaningless tasks while watching your role shrink. Both send the same message…. you don’t belong here.
A woman said, “I went from managing major projects to being asked to update spreadsheets no one looked at. My manager called it ‘giving me a break from the pressure.’ But I knew what it was. I was being erased.”
Aggressive or intimidating behaviour Shouting, swearing, slamming doors, throwing things. Invading your personal space. Standing too close, blocking doorways, looming over your desk. Language or tone that feels threatening even if the words themselves are benign.
One person described their manager punching the wall next to their head during a disagreement. “He didn’t touch me,” they said. “But I knew that was the point. I was supposed to know he could.”
Sabotage Setting you up to fail, then blaming you publicly when you do. Giving you incorrect information. Changing details of a project without telling you. Spreading rumours designed to damage your reputation or credibility.
Someone told me their colleague would tell them the wrong meeting times, then report to their manager that they’d missed important meetings. “I started triple-checking everything, showing up early to everything, and she started telling people I was anxious and couldn’t handle the workload.”
What is Workplace Harassment?
Workplace harassment is unwelcome behaviour that offends, humiliates, or intimidates a person, and is based on a protected attribute or creates a hostile work environment.
Harassment often overlaps with bullying, but it has an extra element: it targets who you are…. your gender, race, age, disability, sexuality, religion, or other protected characteristics. It can also be sexual in nature.
The key elements:
- Unwelcome: You didn’t invite it, encourage it, or consent to it
- Targeted: It’s aimed at an aspect of your identity or creates a sexually hostile environment
- Offensive or intimidating: A reasonable person would find it inappropriate
Examples of Workplace Harassment:
Sexual harassment Unwanted sexual attention, comments about your body or appearance, inappropriate touching, requests for dates that don’t stop after you’ve said no, jokes about sex or relationships that make you the punchline, showing or sharing sexual images, pressure for sexual favours—explicit or implied.
A woman told me her colleague would comment on what she wore…. every single day. “He’d say things like, ‘That dress really shows off your figure,’ or ‘You should wear your hair down more often.’ When I told him to stop, he said he was just being friendly. When I reported it, I was told I should take it as a compliment.”
Another person described a manager who would find reasons to touch her…. hand on her lower back, squeezing her shoulder, adjusting her collar. “It was always brief enough to seem accidental. But it wasn’t. And everyone could see it happening, which was part of the point.”
Discriminatory comments or “jokes” Remarks about your race, ethnicity, accent, religion, age, disability, gender identity, or sexuality. Comments framed as humour that rely on stereotypes. “Compliments” that are actually insults…. “You’re so articulate,” “You don’t look disabled,” “You’re pretty for your age.”
Someone told me their coworker would do an exaggerated accent whenever they spoke. “He thought it was hilarious,” they said. “Other people laughed. When I said it was racist, I was told I was being too politically correct, that he didn’t mean anything by it.”
A man in his fifties described being repeatedly told he “wouldn’t understand” new technology or that tasks requiring tech skills should go to “someone younger.” “It was constant,” he said. “And then when I was passed over for a promotion, I was told I wasn’t ‘dynamic’ enough.”
Exclusion based on identity Not being invited to networking events, client meetings, or professional development opportunities because of assumptions about your gender, race, age, or other characteristics. Being given less visible or less valued work because of who you are. Being told clients “prefer” someone else…. someone who doesn’t look like you, sound like you, or share your background.
A woman of colour described being left out of client meetings. “My manager said clients were more comfortable with [white colleague]. She didn’t even pretend it wasn’t about race. She framed it like she was protecting me from difficult situations…. like racism was something I needed to be shielded from rather than something the organisation needed to address.”
Intrusive questions or comments Asking about your body, your medical conditions, your sex life, your plans to have children, your religious practices, your immigration status. Comments that treat you as a representative of your entire identity group…. “What do women think about…?” “Is this offensive to your culture?”
Someone told me their manager asked in a job interview whether they were planning to have children soon. “When I said that was inappropriate, she said she was just trying to plan for staffing needs. Like my reproductive choices were a business risk she needed to manage.”
Unwanted religious or cultural pressure Being pressured to participate in religious activities, celebrations, or practices. Having your own religious observances dismissed or mocked. Being expected to work on days significant to your faith while Christian holidays are automatically protected.
A person told me their workplace scheduled mandatory team events on their religious holy days…. repeatedly, even after being told. “When I said I couldn’t attend, I was told I wasn’t a team player. My faith was treated like a personal preference, not something they had to accommodate.”
Treating you as a diversity prop Being asked to be the face of diversity initiatives without support or resources. Expected to educate others about your identity while doing your actual job. Put on committees or panels to make the organisation look diverse without changing anything structural.
Someone said, “They wanted me in every photo, every promo. But when I raised concerns about discrimination, suddenly I was difficult. I was diversity wallpaper…. they wanted me visible but silent.”
Retaliation for refusing advances or reporting harassment Being punished…. formally or informally…. for saying no to sexual or romantic advances, or for reporting harassment. Sudden performance reviews, shift changes, exclusion from opportunities, or being labeled “difficult” after speaking up.
A woman described reporting her manager’s persistent requests for dates. “Within a month, I was on a performance improvement plan for issues that had never been raised before. The message was clear: reporting him cost me more than he ever would.”
What is Workplace Abuse?
Workplace abuse is severe, sustained mistreatment that causes significant psychological or physical harm. It often involves a power imbalance and may include threats, coercion, or behaviour that would be considered abusive in any context.
Abuse is at the extreme end of the spectrum. It’s not just unprofessional…. it’s harmful in ways that can have lasting impacts on your mental and physical health.
The key elements:
- Severe: The behaviour is extreme, not just inappropriate
- Sustained: It’s ongoing, creating a pattern of harm
- Power-based: Usually involves someone with authority over you
- Harmful: It causes demonstrable damage to your wellbeing
Examples of Workplace Abuse:
Verbal or psychological abuse Screaming, swearing, name-calling. Threats to your job, your future, your reputation. Degrading language…. telling you you’re worthless, incompetent, stupid. Gaslighting…. denying things they said, rewriting history, making you question your memory or sanity.
A man told me his manager would call him into his office and berate him for thirty, forty minutes at a time. “He’d scream at me, tell me I was useless, that I’d never work anywhere else. Then the next day he’d be friendly, like nothing happened. I started to feel like I was losing my mind…. like maybe I had imagined it, or maybe I’d deserved it and just didn’t understand why.”
Someone else described a manager who would systematically deny conversations that had happened. “I’d bring up something she’d told me to do and she’d say, ‘I never said that. Why would I say that?’ Even when I had it in writing, she’d say I’d misunderstood. I started recording meetings just to prove to myself I wasn’t crazy.”
Threats and coercion Explicit or implicit threats about what will happen if you don’t comply, if you report, if you refuse. Pressure to do things that are unethical, illegal, or unsafe. Being told that speaking up will cost you…. your job, your reference, your career.
A woman told me her manager said, “If you make this formal, I’ll make sure you never work in this industry again. I know people everywhere.” She didn’t report. She left quietly and told no one why. “I was terrified he’d follow through,” she said. “And the worst part is, I think he would have.”
Isolation and control Monitoring your movements, your breaks, your bathroom usage. Demanding to know where you are at all times. Restricting your contact with colleagues or external networks. Making you account for every minute of your day in ways others aren’t required to.
Someone described a manager who required them to send an email every time they left their desk…. including for bathroom breaks. “She’d time how long I was gone. If I took more than five minutes, she’d ask where I’d been. No one else had to do this. Just me.”
Financial abuse or exploitation Withholding pay, changing your hours to reduce your income, misclassifying you to avoid paying entitlements, pressuring you to work unpaid hours, making you pay for things that should be covered by the employer.
A person told me they worked unpaid overtime for months because their manager said, “If you can’t get it done in your hours, maybe you’re not capable of the role.” They weren’t paid overtime…. they were just expected to work until it was done. “I was working sixty-hour weeks on a forty-hour salary. When I raised it, I was told I needed to manage my time better.”
Physical intimidation or violence Blocking doorways, standing too close in threatening ways, invading your physical space to intimidate you. Throwing objects, punching walls, slamming things down near you. Any unwanted physical contact…. pushing, grabbing, restraining. Actual violence.
A woman said her manager would back her into corners during disagreements. “He’d stand between me and the door. He never touched me, but I felt trapped. My heart would race. I’d agree to whatever he wanted just so I could leave.”
Another person described a colleague who threw a stapler across the room when angry. “It didn’t hit me, but that wasn’t the point. The point was that it could have. That next time it might.”
Systematic destruction of your confidence or reputation A sustained campaign to make you doubt your abilities, your worth, your perception of reality. Spreading lies about you. Sabotaging your work and then blaming you. Publicly humiliating you repeatedly. Framing you as incompetent, unreliable, or unstable to others.
Someone told me their manager would praise them privately and then criticise them in front of senior leadership. “She’d say one thing to my face and another behind my back. By the time I realised what was happening, my reputation was destroyed. People thought I was struggling, that I couldn’t handle the role. She’d engineered my exit and made it look like my failure.”
Exploitation of vulnerability Using your visa status, financial situation, disability, lack of other options, or fear of homelessness to control you. Making you work in unsafe conditions because “you need this job.” Threatening to report you to immigration. Leveraging your precarious situation to extract compliance.
A person on a work visa told me their employer would remind them constantly that their visa depended on their employment. “Anytime I raised a concern…. unpaid overtime, unsafe conditions, harassment…. I was told, ‘You’re free to leave, but you know what that means for your visa.’ I felt trapped. I couldn’t afford to lose the job, and they knew it.”
I’ll add this section after the workplace abuse section and before “How They Overlap”. Here’s where it fits:
What is Organisational Neglect and Abandonment?
Organisational neglect is when an employer fails to provide basic communication, support, or management while keeping you employed….. leaving you in professional limbo with no clarity about your role, future, or standing.
This is harm through absence rather than action. You’re not being yelled at or threatened…. you’re being ignored. But the impact can be just as devastating, because you can’t fight what isn’t there, and you can’t leave what technically still exists.
The key elements:
- Sustained silence: No contact, no communication, no acknowledgment
- Ambiguity: You don’t know if you’re still needed, still valued, or still actually employed
- Limbo: You can’t move forward but you can’t let go
- Ongoing employment: You’re technically still on the payroll, which traps you
Examples of Institutional Neglect and Abandonment:
Complete communication breakdown You haven’t heard from your manager in weeks or months. No emails about projects. No meeting invitations. No check-ins. No responses to your attempts to reach out. You’re employed in name only…. still on payroll, but functionally invisible.
A man told me he hadn’t heard from anyone at his workplace since March. By November, he was still logging into systems with nothing to do, still technically employed, still waiting for someone to tell him what came next. “I’d check my email constantly…. even spam, even trash, thinking maybe I’d missed something. I hadn’t. They just… stopped. And I couldn’t tell if I was fired, forgotten, or being tested somehow.”
Removal from all work activities You’re still employed but you’re not assigned any work. No projects, no tasks, no responsibilities. You offer to help other teams…. declined. You ask what you should be doing…. no response. You’re expected to be available, to show up, but you have nothing to do.
Someone described sitting at their desk for eight hours a day with no work. “I’d ask my manager for assignments and she’d say she didn’t have anything right now. Every day. For months. I started bringing books, doing online courses, anything to fill the time. But I felt like I was disappearing. Like I was being erased while still physically present.”
Excluded from all communication channels You’re removed from email lists, group chats, team meetings…. or you’re technically still on them but nothing is directed at you. Information that affects your work doesn’t reach you. Decisions are made without your input. You find out about changes after they’ve already happened.
A woman told me she discovered her team had moved offices by driving to work one morning and finding the floor empty. “No one told me. I had to call reception to find out where everyone had gone. When I arrived at the new office, my desk wasn’t set up. It was like they’d forgotten I existed.”
Left in limbo about your employment status You don’t know if you still have a job. No one has said you’re fired, but you also haven’t been given any work or communication. You’re afraid to apply for other jobs because technically you’re still employed. You’re afraid to stop showing up because you haven’t been released. You’re trapped in uncertainty.
Someone said, “I didn’t know if I should keep logging into systems. I didn’t know if I was expected to be available. I didn’t know if my contract was being honoured or if I’d been terminated and no one bothered to tell me. The not-knowing was worse than any of the alternatives would have been.”
No response to your attempts to clarify You reach out…. emails, calls, formal requests for meetings. Nothing. Or vague responses that don’t actually answer your questions. “We’ll be in touch.” “Things are being reviewed.” “Someone will get back to you.” No one does.
A person told me they sent their manager seven emails over three months asking for clarity about their role. “I got one response: ‘Thanks for checking in, things are busy, we’ll circle back soon.’ That was it. I was being managed through silence, and silence is impossible to argue with.”
Strategic ambiguity The lack of communication isn’t accidental…. it’s functional. By keeping you in limbo, they avoid having to formally terminate you (which would give you rights, clarity, closure). They avoid having to manage you (which would require effort). They avoid accountability for what they’re doing (because what are they doing? Nothing. And how do you report nothing?).
Someone described it perfectly: “They ghosted me professionally. And because ghosting isn’t a formal action, there’s nothing to report, nothing to grieve, nothing to point to. I was just… disappeared.”
Why Organisational Neglect Is Abuse
Make no mistake…. this is a form of abuse, even though it operates through absence.
It’s psychologically destabilising. You can’t plan your future because you don’t know if you have a job. You can’t grieve the loss because technically nothing’s been lost. You can’t be angry at being fired because you haven’t been fired. You’re stuck in a loop of uncertainty that keeps you immobilised.
It’s financially controlling. You’re getting paid…. just enough to make you hesitate before walking away…. but you have no security, no clarity about whether that income will continue, no ability to negotiate or advocate for yourself because there’s no one to negotiate with.
It’s isolating. You can’t explain to people why you’re struggling because “my employer isn’t contacting me” sounds absurd to anyone who hasn’t experienced it. They’ll say, “Just quit then,” not understanding that the ambiguity is the trap.
Your nervous system interprets this as abandonment…. which, for a social species like humans, registers as a threat to survival. You’re in a constant state of hypervigilance, waiting for contact that never comes, trying to make sense of a situation that defies sense.
A woman told me, “I started to think I’d done something so terrible they couldn’t even tell me what it was. Like I was being punished by silence, and the silence meant I was so bad I didn’t even deserve an explanation.”
That’s what institutional neglect does. It makes you assume the worst about yourself because there’s no other way to make sense of being treated like you don’t exist.
How They Overlap (And Why It Matters)
Bullying, harassment, and abuse aren’t always distinct categories. They often blur together, and one behaviour might fit multiple definitions.
For example:
- A manager who constantly criticises you and makes sexual comments is engaging in both bullying and sexual harassment
- Being excluded from meetings because of your race is both bullying (exclusion) and harassment (discrimination)
- Sustained psychological abuse that includes threats is abuse that may also constitute bullying or harassment depending on the specifics
Why distinguishing them matters
Legal protections differ. Harassment based on protected attributes (gender, race, disability, etc.) often has stronger legal protections than general bullying. Understanding what you’re experiencing helps you know what laws or policies might apply.
Reporting pathways differ. Some organisations have specific processes for harassment complaints versus general workplace issues. Knowing the correct terminology can affect whether your complaint is taken seriously and how it’s handled.
Your options differ. Depending on what’s happening, you might be protected by anti-discrimination law, workplace health and safety legislation, employment law, or other frameworks. The language you use in reporting affects what protections kick in.
Your understanding of what’s happening matters. Sometimes people minimise what they’re experiencing because they think “it’s not bad enough to be abuse” or “it doesn’t count as harassment because they didn’t touch me.” Seeing the definitions and examples can help you recognise that what you’re experiencing is serious, has a name, and shouldn’t be happening.
What Your Body Tells You
Before you have the language, before you can point to a specific policy or definition, your body knows.
You wake up on a work day and your stomach is already tight. You check your email with a sense of dread. Your shoulders live somewhere up near your ears. You hold your breath in meetings without realising until your chest aches. You’re scanning constantly…. who’s in what mood, where’s safe to be, where to avoid.
You might notice you’re getting sick more often. Headaches that start Sunday afternoon. Nausea before work. Exhaustion that doesn’t improve with sleep. Aches and pains that have no physical cause.
Someone told me, “I developed a stress rash that covered my torso. It appeared three months into a job and disappeared two weeks after I left. My body was trying to tell me something my mind wasn’t ready to hear yet.”
Your nervous system doesn’t need a definition. It just knows: this isn’t safe.
Trust that.
Why Definitions Aren’t Enough (But They’re Still Important)
Here’s the hard truth: having the right language doesn’t guarantee anyone will help you.
You can name what’s happening with perfect accuracy, present clear examples, point to specific policies…. and still be told you’re overreacting, that it’s not that bad, that you should try to work it out informally first.
Definitions exist in policy documents. But policies are only as good as the people implementing them, and many workplaces have cultures that protect the institution over the individual.
So why do definitions still matter?
Because they validate your reality. When you can name what’s happening, you stop wondering if you’re imagining it. You stop gaslighting yourself.
Because they clarify what’s at stake. This isn’t just a personality clash or a communication breakdown. It’s behaviour that’s recognised as harmful enough to have legal and policy frameworks around it.
Because they give you language for reporting. If you decide to make a formal complaint, using the correct terminology…. “I’m experiencing harassment based on my gender” rather than “my manager is being mean to me”…. affects how seriously you’re taken.
Because they help you explain to others. When you tell your GP why you’re not sleeping, when you talk to a lawyer, when you try to make your partner understand why you can’t just “deal with it”…. having language helps.
Because they remind you this is real. On the days when you doubt yourself, when you wonder if you’re too sensitive or making too big a deal out of it, you can come back to these definitions and see: no, this is recognised harm. Other people have experienced it. It has a name. You’re not making it up.
Practical Step: Name What’s Happening to You
Take a few minutes and write down…. just for yourself…. what you’re experiencing. Use the definitions and examples above to identify which category or categories fit.
Don’t soften it. Don’t minimise it. Don’t write what you think you could prove or what someone else might believe. Just write what’s true.
For example:
- “I’m experiencing bullying through constant criticism and impossible standards”
- “I’m experiencing sexual harassment in the form of unwanted comments about my appearance”
- “I’m experiencing workplace abuse through verbal attacks and threats to my job”
- “I’m experiencing harassment based on my race through exclusion from opportunities and discriminatory comments”
Then write down 2-3 specific examples with dates if you can remember them.
Keep this somewhere safe…. not on a work device. This is for you, not for reporting (yet, if ever). It’s to anchor your reality when people try to convince you it’s not that bad.
Why It Matters
Naming what’s happening is the first step toward knowing what to do about it. It stops the spiral of “Is this abuse or am I just weak?” and replaces it with clarity. And clarity, even when the situation hasn’t changed, gives you back a piece of power.
If You Remember One Thing
If you’re here questioning whether what you’re experiencing “counts,” the answer is: your body already knows. Definitions aren’t gatekeepers…. they’re tools. They exist because the harm is real, because it happens often enough that we needed language for it, because other people fought to have these behaviours recognised and named.
Bullying is repeated, unreasonable behaviour that undermines you. Harassment targets who you are. Abuse is severe, sustained harm that damages your wellbeing. And often, what you’re living through is all three at once.
You don’t need to have the perfect language before you’re allowed to know something is wrong. You don’t need to prove your experience fits every element of a definition before you’re allowed to protect yourself. The definitions are here to validate what you already feel, to give you words when you need them, to remind you that this is recognised harm with a name.
If your nervous system is screaming that something isn’t right…. if you’re dreading work, if your body is breaking down, if you can’t remember the last time you felt safe there…. then it doesn’t matter whether someone else would call it bullying or harassment or abuse. What matters is that it’s harming you, and harm that has a pattern has a name, and you don’t have to carry it alone anymore.
Previous: The Hidden Cost of “Professionalism”
🕊️ Workplace & Institutional Trauma Support
When harm happens inside systems meant to protect or employ us, the betrayal cuts deep.
Workplace and institutional trauma can leave you doubting your worth, your memory, and even your sanity.
Im Geoffrey Clow, I provide trauma-informed counselling for people recovering from systemic or professional harm…..from workplaces, and institutions that silenced, punished, or abandoned you when you needed help most.
This isn’t performance coaching. It’s recovery work that helps you rebuild safety, clarity, and self-trust after workplace or institutional betrayal.
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